Posted by Blanquis in I am independent and proud of it, sometimes too proud, and that’s where I run into problems. Considered asking for help from the opposite sex as a sign of weakness.
Despite this (weakness or strength) I expect men to be gentlemen. Can I open the door myself? Yes, but it’s the principle!
If I see a man and a woman walking down a sidewalk, I feel that the man is suppose to be on the outer side of the sidewalk. Is it just me? Is it realistic now a days to even expect that?
I’m raising my boys to become better men, my goal is for them to be GENTLEMEN. My middle child is six and knows that “ladies go first”, my oldest son opens the door for me, and my toddler will follow in their footsteps.
My boys are also great at complimenting (which is a great ego booster for me, when getting ready to go somewhere) They are not shy about complimenting girls their age on their beauty, attire, qualities, or conduct.
While baby sitting two girls (ages four and six,who I love as they were my own) my middle child complimented them on their beauty. When they heard this, they looked at me with the funniest bewildered look! After telling the girls to say thank you, I went up to my son, hugged him and told him I was proud of his remark.
I want these girls to know that even though boys have cooties, they can still be gentlemen.
Women please join me in taking care of these endagered species, lets show them our appreciation and encourage them. For those lucky ladies who have a gentleman by their side, HOLD ON TO THEM!
WOW i just read all of your blogs…your so amazing! you are like the best mother ever…I know your boys might not always say it but I know they have all the love and respect for you in the world! Your an amazing person! I love ya! We need to catch up. <3
Gentle men are everywhere. Rough men are everywhere.
I never knew about the concept of walking on the outside when walking together with a woman.
33 years and I never was told that. Does that mean I am not a gentleman? Does it mean I do not love nor respect women? I hope not. I love women. I have two little ones. A lovely woman gave birth to me. Several women have put up with me and helped shape me.
If I had known that something as simple as walking on the outside would make them feel more respect as a man I would have happily shoved them to the inside.
Obviously this is just an example by blanquis and one of many of men’s shortcomings. I can’t help but wonder how clueless we are.
My girlfriend shared this same example recently and I made the needed changes as soon as the opportunity came up when I was walking with my daughters.
I will ask them when they are old enough if they had any idea I wanted to be their most gentle man in their lives.
I am proud to see that another of my sex feels the same way I do about this issue.
Independence is a great and valued trait for women to have, however, too many women I have known beat down their guys for simply wanting to do what good guys (aka gentlemen) do: take care of their women. Cherish them. Protect them. Respect them.
I don’t get it. Why do so many ladies out there wail and bemoan the fact that “there aren’t any gentlemen left” and then turn around and brow-beat the nearest man for holding a door open for her, something “she can do herself”?
I definitely think that women need to help take care of this endangered species, as you put it.
Awesome post, Blanca. Whoever your boys meet when they’re older I sincerely hope will treasure them, because it sounds like you’ve put them on the right track.
I’m raising a 10 year old boy and have spent considerable time teaching him manners, as that is truly the foundation of being a gentleman anyway. He’s not into girls yet (that will change any day now) but when that time comes I will be sure to teach him the finer points of how to treat the opposite sex.
Blanca,
As a man, i could not have said it any better. Men as a species have no clue. We are raising our daughters too look for Gentleman period. There needs to be more education for men, from the time they are little til they are dead. We need constant reminders, we dont have ESP, but a lot of women think we do. I love how you are raising those boys to become Gentleman, keep up the great work. BTW u and my wife are very similar, i just mailed your blog adress to her, and u can find her @rebeccahaswrote on twitter and http://www.provocationofmind.com blog. Great read and i totally support your thoughts here.
Regards,
A Gentelmen Robert Nelson
I have a 8 year old daughter, I am afraid that I will have to make a gentle out of the guys she dates when she gets older. Guys are so rude these days. I know women love to be equal in a lot of ways. But there are some things that are just part of nature, like treating a lady like a lady and not a object. I was with my ex from the time I was 17 until we split a couple of years ago. For 23 years I treated her like a lady. Although there were times I would have liked to have bent her over my knee and popped her tail, I never did. She always had my respect.
In this day and time it is virtually non-existent. Men and boys are rude, disrespectful and have no moral or ethical values about them at all. And this is partly or mostly caused by their parents. I give you an applause for what you are teaching your children. And hopefully those young fellows will grow up and find them someone to respect them just as much. Nice blog here and have a wonderful evening.
I’ve been trying to teach my son to open doors and to be a gentleman as well! Manners didn’t seem to be a problem - it’s the gentleman concept that seems to escape him. It doesn’t help that his father is quite lax on his gentleman duties! Kids emulate what they see! Kudos to you for being successful!
Friends of mine taught their daughters to never get in a car unless their date opens the door for them. They would watch out the front door as one of the girls would leave and laugh when she just stood outside the car as the boy jumped in the driver’s seat. I always thought it was a great lesson to instill in the daughters and a great opportunity to teach a boy about being a gentleman.
By the way, my husband will not allow me to get out of the car until he comes around and opens the door for me. We have received several comments from people like, “wish my husband would do that for me,” and “wow, he must really love you.” It’s royal treatment that I love!
Oh But I beg to differ (smile). Woman say that want a gentlemen but they are always attracted to the Bad Guys (like me). I think it is because they like yhe challenge and think they can tame us but au contraire - I am like a Wild Stallion never to be saddled !!!
That’s not to say that a man should not treat a women kindly and with respect. It is just to say the less gentleman that I was - the more I suceeded with women. I don’t understand that myself.
You are deifintely a keeper in my books unless of course I have not seen your real photo. Maybe you are a cigar-smoking 93 year old witch with no teeth. Who really knows?
Women do love Bad Guys, for we are very complex and will make a very nice guy cry! Yet, we love our Bad Guys to be gentlemen when need to, for even though Bad Guys gives us a challenge, at the end women win! For Bad Guys only win, when women let them win! Lol
Love you Zut Moon, and I know you love me deep deep down inside, for you are not as bad as you claim to be!
See you in Twitterville! <3
It’s always a knife in my heart when I hold the door open for some old lady and she says something like “nobody ever does that anymore”.
I applaud you for teaching your young boys to be gentlemen. Unfortunately, at times, it seems as though we are a dying breed in this oh so cold world.
I love this post on your blog. As a Latin American my fondest memories of my grandfather was when I watched him being a gentleman. I can vividly remember him opening car doors for unknown ladies in parking lots, as he walked by them, or holding items for ladies if he saw that their hands were to full. He was in my young eyes the most elegant man I ever saw. He always wore a suit even in the middle of the very hot summers, he spent with us in South Florida, but it wasn’t the suit that made him elegant it was the way he went out of his way to help everyone. In the town I grew in this behavior was very uncommon. You should have seen the looks and cute gasps the ladies made when he helped them. But up until I moved to Georgia I really thought this was a dying trait. Luckily, though, my favorite part about moving here is that the Southerners teach their boys how to be gentlemen. I am so happy that this elegant trait, I admired so much from grandfather, is so alive here in our town. It is always a pleasure to see little boys go out of their way to open doors for people and reading your post makes me happy to know I am no longer alone in teaching my boys how to be gentlemen. : ))
I really enjoyed your post Blanquis! Like many others, your insights brought back many memories of growing up that were probably forgotten, but not quite lost. My heritage was as an Army officer’s
oldest son. To be such ‘in the day,’ meant that your learned the
military rules of conduct for many acts of respect such as the salute.
You saluted the rank of the individual and not necessarily the
person. It was the right thing to do in the military environent, because everything depends on giving and taking orders, so rank is
very inportant distinction.
Being a gentleman has always been a sign of culture, good manners, and civility. You look at our society today and the very
women who reject the respect it’s meant to show are some of the
most troubled people I know. What these women fail to see is that
at the heart of all true gentlemanly acts is the act of ones dying to
ones self in humility. Any person, man or woman who takes advantage of another’s humble act of selflessness, deserves
no respect whatsoever. Unfortunately, for a lot of women,
the notion of being strong, capable, and a lady don’t always
go hand in hand. Show me a lady who has g r a c e, and style,
and elegance, and I’ll show you a woman who is not intimidated
at all by the “gentlemanly” act of door holding, or any other
nicety so often frowned upon by many of todays liberated
feminine thinkers.
I for one never tire of the acts of thoughtfulness associated with
the idea of being a gentleman. As a matter of fact, I hold the door
as often for my man friends as I do for any women in my life. It’s the
idea of being courteous that must rub people the wrong way. Not to worry, this Texan is not going to change any time soon.
alright ladies and gentlemen. i agree with what blanca’s saying. if i had a son, i would raise him the same way, and i would expect my daughter to date men (she will not date until she is 21) that treat her respectfully. with that said, i have a question 4 u… if u have been married several years, is it expected of the gentlemen to open his ladies car door EVERYTIME? i understand if we go on dates, or special events,church, etc., but what if we are going to the grocery store for a quick errand, or the gas station, etc.? ladies do have the capacity to open the car door by themselves. arent men spoiling women in this sense?
We should try to teach our children to open the door, let people go through first and walk on the outside etc. for everyone.
Good manners should be shown to all, I know pushing a buggy around the shops the amount of people let the door just shut on me while they can clearly see me (at times) struggling to get another toddler through the door at the same time.
Let be nice to everyone…and then yes if its a choice, ladies first
Love the blog Blanquis
I deal with many international clients and what you think is good manners in one place can be just the opposite of what you had intended. I highly recommend the book “Kiss, Bow or Shake Hands” by Terry Morrison.
I am also a gentleman
If I had a daughter I’ll teach her the tips & tricks of “walking on the outside when walking together with a woman.”
Blanquis,
I’ve just read a few of your blogs and you sound like you’re living it right, in many ways. Respect.
The way you encourage your boys (rather than inflicting harsh rules) is to be commended. Having taught kids in the past, too often I see parents leaving the teaching of social graces to the schooling system whereas this needs to be shown (and demonstrated) by the parents.
I’m sure you’ll have three gentlemen proud of their ma one day.
It is true though that the gentleman sometimes finishes last in my experience. Women say they want a gentle guy but often choose the man who holds little respect for women at all. The crux is finding the middle ground between opening the doors, pouring the wine and being just that little bit disaffectionate for the woman to want to come back for more. Unfortunately, giving women everything they need makes them just want to be your good, close friend… just ‘friend’.
nice prose. will check back soon to see if you follow up this subject.
Holic, first of all thank you for your comment. I really do appreciate it. I will definitely post something on what women want, at least what I want in a man….
You are correct that some men finish last, but I don’t believe that gentlemen finish last. I like to be challenged……but I also like to be challenged by a gentleman. That doesn’t mean that the guy has to spoil me or cater to me. I like debating with my significant other (I will win of course…I’m always right! LOL) but he can still be a gentleman. Argue with me all you want….but open the door while you are at it. xoxo
You speak of the gentlemanly code of chivalry and, I agree that it should not become extinct.
My mother brought me up to honour this code and I have upheld it to this very day.
*smiles*
Interesting post, and replies. My first thought after reading it was, but thats not true! lots of woman say they want a gentleman but when you act like that they just bite you down. However seeing as lots of my brethren allready pointed this out il just continue with the second thought i had after reading this.
When i was younger i noticed that if i opened doors for girls of my own age they usually didnt like it, but if i did so for woman older then me they somehow managed to show they enjoyed the action. This puzzled me to no end, until i started getting older. I noticed that the few men who had kept beeing gentlemen recieved more positive reactions the older the woman in the picture became. (think 25+)
What im getting at is, perhaps girls should be taught by there mothers that: although beeing independent isnt a bad thing, boys who are trying to be gentlemen dont need to be shot down. Just enjoy it because you might notice alot less of it the older you get.
On a side note : I know there are men just trying to get everything they can by beeing gentleman like.. the diference must be hard to see, and i have no idea how to solve that isue besides perhaps helping more girls become good mothers similar to Blanquis.
Jasper
Ps: Sorry for my bad english
Should have read this one first. lol
I am basically of the opinion that women should always be treated with Respect, Appreciation, and Value or RAV.
RAV to me = Love. That said, I am not so sure about all these little rules about what men should be doing for women. Where are the rules about what women should be doing for men? The problem with these “rules” is that it helps keep alive the idea that women are the weaker sex. What do you think of a situation where your son’s wife would be the bread winner and your son decided to stay home and raise their kids? Would that be wrong? Many believe it is wrong, due to society’s idea of gender roles.
What do you believe? Would your son be less of a man if he became the Nurturer instead of the Breadwinner?
Kindness, Compassion, Consideration, Ability to really Listen and Compromise for the benefit of the whole family- Are not these qualities as important if not more so then whether a man opens the door for you? Personally, I open doors and hold them open for people as a courtesy, when they are right behind me, regardless of sex. Yes, I do tend to walk on the curbside of the street but by instinct then by conscious decision. At what point do you think, if ever, will women want to be treated like the total equal of a man? Do you think we should be allowing women into combat roles in the military? Do you think women will ever be able to achieve real equality in all aspects of life if we continue to support our current ideas of gender roles?
Interesting points but I think being gentlemen and being a good/bad boy are entirely different things..
All I can say being a trusted/lovin/good guy didn’t bring me anywhere in a long relationship ..
On the other hand being bad boy .. life is easier .. bad boys move on faster and get rid of the past..
Being Gentlemen is an act.. it can work with both type of personality.
I can’t change myself so I’ve changed my attitude of looking at things.. that made me 70% sarcastic, 80% Sensitive, 90% Understanding, 65% Arguable, 90% Gentlemen, 88% Naughty, 70% witty … which is equal to “Total Nut Case” … and chased by the Squirrels
So there you have it..
Now I don’t have time for a relationship ..
Too busy for it.. i don’t look for it.. i don’t think of it .. or the like-minded people are somewhere else.. too many variables..