Posted by Blanquis in Whether in good terms or bad terms divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, especially if you have kids. My boys are my life, because of them I think long and hard when I make decisions.
My family was everything. Giving it my all, my needs came last. I was content when they were happy.
As a parent I:
- went to every school function
- handled homework
- made every “boo boo” better
- planned family outings
- was the tooth fairy
- was Santa Claus
- attended Sunday school with them
- encouraged, supported, and applauded every accomplishment they made
The list goes on and on. Even though I was married, I felt like a single parent.
My kids have a great father who loves them dearly, but was used to things being taken care of. He is also proud of them, but did not clap as loud as I did.
As a wife I was:
- his best friend
- financial planner
- social planner
- lover
- mother at times
- maid at times
- sidekick
- head of household
- travel agent
- encouraged, supported, and applauded every accomplishment he made.
This list goes on and on. Even though we both worked, I kept working when I came home. I felt my to do list was longer than his. He is a great man, was a good husband, hard worker, great cook, and my best friend. He loved me very much, but he did not love as much as I did.
As the Sun Goes Down by ~sxywoman on deviantART
I lost myself and did not know who I was. Forgotten were the days, before I was a wife and a mother. Somewhere, somehow, I went from being complete, to feeling empty.
Being on auto pilot most days, because my husband was emotionally detached was not fair to my kids. I gave it my all, it was 13 years of ups and downs.
My kids are handling the divorce better than I expected.
In a way I think I gave them a better dad because of it. He looks forward to seeing them.
We both applaud equally loud now.
When it comes to love, I am loving myself now.
Sometimes people don’t know what they have until they lose it.
Nice inspirations. I look forward to following your journey — sounds like you are doing pretty well.
Great story. Maybe he just didn’t have in him what you needed. Not a flaw, just a fact. Who knows. Wish you the best of luck!
Blanquis, we are kindred spirits I see - I was married for 13 yrs. as well; I feel like I just read about my own previous life when I was married; he also was emotionally detached. We had one daughter who is now grown and has married someone similar to her Father - that is, the same controlling nature -one where you are suppressed and not able to thrive. I had all the feelings that you are going thru - I knew I gave it my All but my daughter became rebellious around 17 or 18 - she got angry - and turned against me and I do not know why. It shattered me after being a great Mother and always there for her. As they say - you always hurt the ones you love. Her Father became an absentee Father after moving out - still to this day she seeks his love and approval..I wish you the best - we as Moms will always have guilt, it is nature - but hang in and know you are doing the right thing…Kathie
Having been there myself…I feel and fully recognize every step you are going through. I do admire your courage and grace as you move forward with your life.First and foremost you are a wonderful mother. Your sons will know that as they grow up. Maybe not to ful fruition until they are adults but you are giving them a firm foundation. Help them to honor the women in their life. Nudge them to open doors and respect the women around them…especially their mother! Men who are good to their mothers make the best husbands and partners.
I cannot say that I have been throught your experiences. Actually I popped in to check out the site through another friends link. But once I got here, your writing caught my attention right away.
You have a talent for writing, and your heart and soul shine through it, since that is where you are writing from. I suggest you continue to nourish that talent, and help it to grow, as you now begin to grow again.
I think it can take you far.
Wow, really nice post. You have started me thinking. You’ve caused me to soul search to make sure that I AM NOT LIKE YOUR EX. Surely, he’s lost an incredible woman. But, seriously, now I am asking myself - AM I LIKE HIM? How can I be a better person to ALL women? Thanks for sharing. More men should hear your thoughts and read your blog. God Bless YOU, and your family!