Posted by Blanquis in 
“MEN DON’T HAVE A CLUE!” Was today’s topic of discussion I had with an awesome friend of mine. We started off talking about going through a divorce, moving on and had agreed we both believed in love..when of course him being a guy and me a girl the question came up…
“Why are women always trying to change guys?” These aren’t his words of course because him being a guy (handsome guy…at that) he was comparing men to cars running on gasoline and women trying to convert them into top fuel funny cars! He’s so cute (You had to be there!)
I could only give him my honest opinion. I am in no way an expert in relationships but I did tell him, the girl trying to change a guy is entirely at fault. Now ladies, you might get mad but you will get over it, so let me continue…Often women settle with guys hoping that with time or with marriage things (he) will change….and of course years later all hope is lost.
Was it the guy’s fault or the girl’s fault? Clearly both. It takes two to tango (always liked that line) but she should have accepted him for who he was when she fell in love with him. My friend admitted that guys don’t have a clue about women. I agree, it’s not that men are morrons…..SERIOUSLY girls they are not! Men just don’t know any better.
“We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” ~Sam Keen
Men and women play games all the time. Those who deny this are not being honest. I admit to playing games, I have pretended not to care if someone calls in fear of sounding too needy, but think how good that person would feel if I were to tell him how glad I was he called. I think we should just be more open with the person we care about. This goes for friendships also, not just relationships.
You should be honest and be able to share everything, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and your fantasies. If your significant other loves you, then he would want to make you happy. So tell him that you like it when he sends you text messages at work or surprises you at lunch, if he doesn’t do these things tell him that you would like for him to do these things.
It’s a new year and being a hopeful romantic, I anticipate finding love, but I am in no rush and I will not settle this time. This person will have to be my best friend and be totally open and honest with me and definitely love me as much as I love them. I don’t want him to think I am perfection, but I want to be HIS perfection. I will let him know that even though I like to walk on the beach that my fantasy is for both of us to dance in the rain.
To my awesome friend who inspired this post….you will find your love I am sure of it.
In a way you may be right. It takes us a while to figure it out. I agree with the love, best friend and walk on the beach but dancing in the rain may require a rain check.
Wow this goes so hand in hand with something I wrote a few days ago… It should post tonight… but lol @ Oussama on the rain check comment.
Thanks for sharing.
u know i’ll have to play devils advocate on everything u write. but this one, i’ll have to agree with u. u can’t change men. men cant change women. but what u can do is change yourself. when u love yourself by treating your mind, body, and spirit the right way, you will find that ur partner will change with you. if u don’t have a partner, become the person you would be proud of, and the right person will find you. if u love who u are, you can distinguish who the right guy or girl is from the wrong ones. people end up with bad relationships b/c they themselves don’t beleive they deserve someone better, and the relatonship continues rather than ending it as soon as the warning signs are there.
i’ve seen (and others have noticed also), the positive changes you’ve made for yourself. it has had a positive influence on the people around u. yes, you do slip from time to time, but like i said, only One was perfect. the diffrence from last year to this year is that your learning from your slip ups. you’re constantly changing and getting closer to becoming ‘perfect’. as a result, you will choose the right guy that is ‘equally yolked’ with u, and not some loser that won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated (u know, with a pimp slap! j/k!).
my own personal opinion, u can’t change yourself on a deeper level without God. if you use biblical principles of how to treat yourself (mind, body, and spirit) and others, you will become close to the ‘perfect person’. there is only One that can claim that title.
now, blanca, on a more personal level, i’ve known u for a few years. seen u 4-5 days a week for 8 hours/day. you used to be a… well, i won’t say it.
Blanca,
You are the bestest of girlie girls..honest bright and not a wishy washy mess! You inspire me as always! From a cougar to a puma lets get the right guy this time! I am confident that we will. Love always
whollygirl/Sandra
Uh oh…I fear I am showing my ignorance here, but what is a puma? Cougar I know, but puma?
And to be more specific, I know a puma is a cougar, but never seen that term used among women, so was wondering if it represents a special kind of cougar.
Thanks for reading my blog Michael! Means a lot… a Puma is a younger version of a Cougar… a cougar in training! LOL just something my friends and I made up…. I told them I wanted to be a Cougar when I grew up and I was called a Puma ever since! LOL =)
Gee Blanca..I would agree with that..but..I’m a male..that would mean I’d have to send in my #ManCard..no I believe all women are Goddesses..despite wanting to be Cougars and now Pumas..go for it Sis..you deserve true love..you know you’ll enjoy yourself..that is what life is all about..Love Kevy
Hello Blanca;
You’ve pretty well hit the nail on the head!
The basis of any good relationship is in the communication. Long before any commitment is made, that open, honest, communication is the real basis on which friendship and ultimately a partnership, should be founded. It’s during this ‘talking’ that one develops the understanding and sensitivity that will bind them together. It will not just happen after the commitment is made! That communication has to continue throughout a healthy relationship. How else will one partner learn what the other feels, needs to nuture their own developement. Far too many relationships are based on that initial ‘chemistry’, were the girl usually decides if she wants more with a certain guy, or if she only wants friendship! It’s up to the girl to go just a bit deeper! She may well find much more value inside that person than the initial attraction or lack of same would indicate. It’s also critical that the guy be totally honest about himself. No games on either side. With honesty comes trust, with trust comes the ability to truly learn about the other person. From a guys perspective he must learn to ‘read’ between the lines! He needs to learn to ‘feel’ his friends true feelings, to sense her emotions and react appropriately. Too many guys look first at the outer ‘package’ and most then go overboard to try to impress!! Just because a woman is beautiful on the outside, doesn’t mean that she will be at all compatible, but guys don’t let that enter into the equation. Very attractive women, are used to being ‘hit’ on so tend to go for the guys that is more attractive, cute and funny!! Next thing you know they are in a relationship that has depth that is only skin deep!! It’s the inner person that each must discover, then they can start to develop the kind of dialog that may or may not lead to friendship or something more!!
I don’t know how to teach a guy how to be sensitive enough to understand a female point of view, but I do know that once learned, it is invaluable and will last and serve thee relationship well!! A lasting relationship is all about thinking of one’s opposite first, agreeing to disagree, never having to say your sorry. It’s about not even placing your partner in the position of having to say “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache’, for a couple that’s in sync emotionally will already have sensed that. All these things I’ve experience through many years of a wonderful marriage, learned with my partner and for her. (She died in 1996) Believe me when I say that Friendship must come before the relationship. Friendship is not about physical intimacy, its about compatibility and communication. For the guys, it’s NOT being a wussy to have emotions, nor is it to share those with your potential partner! Ok, I’ll concede that it’s not helpful on a first date!! For the girls, that dependence on initial chemistry lasts about 3 months, then the guy better have the depth and sensibility to understand what you really want, or the relationship is toast!! Thanks for your time.